This ‘small talk’ post is about living with your significant other before marriage. I love small talk blog posts on topics like this! Every piece of advice, thought, and opinion comes from real life experiences, and I have a lot of passion writing and sharing it with you all. This topic was actually Matt’s idea to write about, so this will be the first blog post ft. Matt’s truth!
Matt and I have been living with each other for 4 years, which at the moment is about half of our relationship. We are both 24 years old, so yes, we are a young couple. I think it’s safe to say these words of advice we are about to give, are very truthful and real. Since we are a young couple, I know our advice is limited. This is purely a topic we are talking about and giving advice on for – PRE MARRIAGE & NO KIDS! Matt and I feel like we have had such a great relationship, we have been together for 9 years, so our advice may be helpful for a lot of people who are in that stage of getting ready or thinking about moving in with their boyfriend/girlfriend.
We moved in together at age 20. We weren’t even legal to drink, what were we thinking?! Honestly, not so sure, but I know we really did love each other. Personally, I was in a different stage of life from my friends who were all in college and going sororities. I was working almost full-time, going to school full-time, so I was very independent at a young age. For those reasons, it definitely affected why we moved in together so early on. Enough about us, let’s get into this topic!
Deanna’s Piece of Advice
Don’t move in with someone you don’t trust. You may love them, but that doesn’t mean you trust them. I feel like a lot of people, girls more so in my opinion, say they love someone and use that as their primary standing point for many areas. This may sound harsh, but it’s reality. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re the one. (I see a future blog posts building off that topic, but let’s get back on track.)My main point is TRUST. In my opinion it’s the #2 foundation you must have if you’re thinking about moving in together. (#1 you obviously love them) If you don’t trust them, that’s going to cause chaos in the household. If you are both still not truthful about “what you’re doing,” why are you living together?! I think it’s a recipe for a tainted household if you both are not on the same page. You want to love and trust the person you live with more than anyone in the world. Until you and your partner are ready to set boundaries, understand one another pretty damn well, come to agreements, and gain a sense of comfort with one another when it comes to doing your own thing, don’t move in together, you’re not ready. When you trust someone, you will know. Everything is just easier and feels natural, it’s a hard feeling and thought to express but basically, you just know.
Matt’s Piece of Advice
Don’t move in with someone if you don’t know them at their best and their worst. If you aren’t living together, a lot of the time you spend together is in public. Which could mean the both of you are probably looking, acting, and showing your best self. Like a first date, you’re the full package. BUT, in reality, we aren’t always looking, acting, and showing our best self version. The worst may be: when you have a moment, and may have an emotional breakdown. You have to be able to handle situations that each other may throw at you, whether it’s good or bad. Let’s say you get into a fight, you can’t just run away when you don’t want to deal with it. When you live together, that’s your home, and you need to go home. If you are moving in together, and haven’t experienced some rough obstacles, moving in together may be rough and things may take you by surprise. Make sure you both talk about what you want and what you expect when living together. Moving in together is basically the last big step before marriage, so make sure you know what you are getting into and its with the person you are looking to spend your future with.
Q’s & A’s Asked from IG
1. How did you guys meet?
– We met back in middle school and were complete enemies! I was dating his best friend at the time, and he literally would hang the phone up on me every. single. time. Just a few more years later, he was the one who DIDN’T want to hang up on me 😉
2. How long have you guys been together?
– We have been together for 9 years! We are celebrating out 9 year anniversary as we speak. If we decided to delay the wedding and waiting another year, we would have been getting married after dating for a decade. So crazy.
3. How did you overcome the fear of using the restroom in front of each other?
-This was my favorite question, I died. It takes us back to so many embarrassing memories. But basically, it took about 2 years until we were ready disclosing that information. Now there’s just no privacy house, and we are just way too open haha. We are working on this!
4. How has being together since High School both benefitted and hindered your relationship?
D – I think one huge benefit is that not only did we get the opportunity to build such a strong young love with each other, we also did with each other’s families. We are both SO close with each other’s families (and we have a LOT) it basically feels like his family is my actual family too. I consider myself lucky to have found the love of my life at such a young age, some wait a life time. We both may have missed out on the crazy hook ups in college, and not really being able to “date” other people, but I honestly couldn’t imagine putting myself through that haha. I would be the worst. I’m surprised Matt never ran away from me!
M – Its definitely benefitted as we were able to grow up together in many different ways. Like Deanna said, since being together so young, we were both able to be apart of each others families. As high schoolers, we didn’t have money to go out to eat every night, so a lot of the times we just ate with each others families, and we had dinner with one of them almost every night. My little sister was one of the weirdest people you would have ever met, and Deanna dealt with her and she was able to blossom under Deanna’s guidance and help throughout her middle school and early high school years. Being together in High School also benefitted with our friends. We didn’t have to go through the awkward phase of trying to see if they fit in with your group of friends. I have had the same best friends since elementary school, and sometimes they seem to like her more than me! I was never someone who wanted to enter the “dating phase,” as I tend to be shy and takes a while to open up, so when I knew Deanna was a keeper, I knew I would never let her go.
5. How old are you both?
– Our birthdays are so close! We are both 24 and turning 25 this December.
6. What do you guys fight about?
– We get this question a lot haha. We don’t fight very much, and never really have. We both feel so lucky, I couldn’t imagine a constant bicker. BUT, that doesn’t mean we don’t fight haha. We agree on most things, but the one thing that we argue about is our schedule. We both are so busy, and try to communicate as best as possible with our schedules. Matt’s a coach so it’s also hard for him to have an accurate time on when he will be home, so I’m trying to not let it bother me anymore. If he says he’s coming home at 6, then in my head I’ll say 7.
7. What is your favorite date night?
– We both have the same favorite date night, but we have 2 that we love! Back in the day, I loved going to fancy boujee restaurants for date nights, but I’m grandma and can’t do it anymore.
DATE NIGHT #1: Packing a picnic dinner and setting up dinner on the beach or bay. It’s right down the street from us, so it’s perfect! So nice and easy. It’s really relaxing, and so nice to have a private set up just us two. Sometimes we bring a volleyball or smash ball and play around too. We are still children at heart!
DATE NIGHT #2: Netflix and chill. We are both big time movie people, but I normally fall asleep so being at home watching a movie with some wine and ice-cream is heavenly.
We LOVED answering all of these questions! It’s actually super helpful to make this post as relatable for you all with some real conversation questions. We aren’t relationship experts in any way, but we both feel so lucky to have had the relationship we have, and at such a young age. We felt it would be fun to talk about, share with you all some tips and advice, and maybe even give you some inspiration that your person is out there! One thing we both really agree on is to not push anything your other half isn’t ready for. We’ve been there, I’ve done that. It causes stress and you’re only hurting yourself. Being patient is key. Trust the timing, things happen for a reason!
We hope you all enjoyed this post! Maybe more of these will come if you all like the idea of Matt joining in on “relationship talks.”